A Mother's Bouquet

The most precious things are so simple. I love how my daughter loves me. It is intense, vulnerable, open and with a childish sweetness that I adore in her. Every single time she goes to the grocery store with her sweet dad, she gets him to buy me a bouquet of flowers. They are different every time. First, I hear it in her voice as she comes into the house calling for me. Then I see it in her little face, so bright. so proud and so happy. She has to tell me why she selected the bouquet and tell me about each (well almost each) flower. Somehow, there is something of my favorite in the bouquet, the color, the flower. I treasure it.

Every time she goes to her grandmother's house she brings me back a sucker. It is almost always a grape or coconut because those are my favorites. I adore it.

Every time she does a portrait of me I have on a red or purple dress because those are my favorite colors. I love it.

I have a purple necklace she gave me (yep purple) that I love. She went with her dad to a craft market. He told her she could have one thing. She picked it one she liked and one she thought I would like. He told her she could only have one, just to stand by his rule. She picked MINE. Her heart is as big as a little girl's could be, it makes me proud. How in the world after all she has been through, does she have the courage to love again, so hard and so deep. I have always said she is the strongest soul I know.

I love how she loves me.

Blessings from Above

Oh how he loves me! I have gone through a very difficult time lately. It involves difficulty in the emotional, physical and mental aspects. My heart, well, it just hurts. I have gone to him, kicking and screaming and left crying. The tears are tears of knowing that he loves me, feeling redeemed and forgiven. I am having to do things that I know are the Godly thing to do, yet, I must admit, I do not want to. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and wish it would all go away.

I have been left, feeling taken advantage of and that lovely feeling that you are not appreciated. Where things are just never good enough. Yet, you hear God ask you to get back up and do it all over again. Oh how I wish my heart was different. I wish I would gladly say, I will gladly go where you send me. I hear myself saying, please, no, not again. Please send someone else. And the events just get worse and worse.

I have to pray for his abundance, for his grace and mercy. I have to pray for me to see things the way he sees them. It brings me to my knees, it breaks me, it brings tears to my eyes. I am so grateful that I can lay this gift at his feet....that I did it. No, the packaging was not perfect, more than slightly askew. But, it was I gift, I gave him. Hopefully, the next gift will be a little more beautiful, a little more perfect until it finally is just that.....perfect.

His gift to me in return is a renewed love for my family, for time with my family. I feel showered in blessings from my Sunshine and my DH. I am acutely aware of how much they love me, how wonderful and special our lives are together. Father, thank you. Thank you for everything, I truly love you. I gladly will get back up and will do it all over again as long as you are there beside me.