Oh how he loves me! I have gone through a very difficult time lately. It involves difficulty in the emotional, physical and mental aspects. My heart, well, it just hurts. I have gone to him, kicking and screaming and left crying. The tears are tears of knowing that he loves me, feeling redeemed and forgiven. I am having to do things that I know are the Godly thing to do, yet, I must admit, I do not want to. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and wish it would all go away.
I have been left, feeling taken advantage of and that lovely feeling that you are not appreciated. Where things are just never good enough. Yet, you hear God ask you to get back up and do it all over again. Oh how I wish my heart was different. I wish I would gladly say, I will gladly go where you send me. I hear myself saying, please, no, not again. Please send someone else. And the events just get worse and worse.
I have to pray for his abundance, for his grace and mercy. I have to pray for me to see things the way he sees them. It brings me to my knees, it breaks me, it brings tears to my eyes. I am so grateful that I can lay this gift at his feet....that I did it. No, the packaging was not perfect, more than slightly askew. But, it was I gift, I gave him. Hopefully, the next gift will be a little more beautiful, a little more perfect until it finally is just that.....perfect.
His gift to me in return is a renewed love for my family, for time with my family. I feel showered in blessings from my Sunshine and my DH. I am acutely aware of how much they love me, how wonderful and special our lives are together. Father, thank you. Thank you for everything, I truly love you. I gladly will get back up and will do it all over again as long as you are there beside me.
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