Thursday, April 4, 2013

Which is worse?

.....ma'am or grandmother? People are saying ma'am to me. At first, I thought it was because they did not know me. You know, being from the south, we southerners are so polite. Then I noticed more people saying it. ARGH. Up to this post, there has only been 3 to 4 times that someone has called Sunshine my granddaughter. Most people accept me as her mother or call me her mother, when they do not know either of us. But for those few times, I have to say, it hurts and it is embarrassing. Sure, I am somewhere between a much older mom and a grandmother. Yes, biologically, Sunshine could be my granddaughter. I just do not want anyone to NOTICE that I am old enough to be her grandmother.

Sure it is a vanity thing but, much more than that. I have always been able to pass for someone at least 10 years younger. Now, not so much. I am in great shape but my face is starting to show my age. It is much more than a vanity thing. You see, I am fearful of how this is going to effect Sunshine. I know ALL kids are ashamed of their parents at some point but I do not want it to be something that I knew about. I can take being nerdy, or uncool. Those are things nobody ever wants to be. We don't set out to be nerdy or uncool., it just happens.

But, I DID know in the beginning I was pushing the age thing and I adopted her anyway. I adopted her anyway because I yearned for a child so badly and I felt lead to adopt. I worried about it from the very beginning and almost stopped the adoption because of it. However, I loved Sunshine so much. I loved her before she was ever born. I loved her so deeply that I had to go find her, I had to. I thought about her every.single.day. I prayed for her every.single.day.  Unless you have adopted you never can understand how a child can grow in her heart through adoption.

I have to believe that love will win out. I have to believe that if Sunshine is embarrassed by us and our age, that she will understand just how much we love her. I have to believe that if she is embarrassed it will not cause her to act out as she gets older. I have to pray that all will be well, that my child will be OK, happy and know that we loved her beyond anything in this world. After all, that is what is important right?

BTW, I am one kickin' mom.


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