Have you heard of this? This is where you have your child repeat kindergarten or hold them back a year so that they have an advantage over the other kids. Some parents do this for sports, academic, social, emotional, behavioral and physical reasons. Now this was very new to me, and well strange. But, when I was kindergarten age, it was all about crafts, mac n cheese and naps!
Well, I thought it sounded strange until someone kindly suggested we needed it! What? My child? OK. I agree, my child might be a tad delayed in the emotional arena. But boy have we come a long way!!!! Sunshine was traumatized during her birth, adoption and moving to the US. Recently we were diagnosed with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. This came after we had been home for over 4 years. Yes, I was the nerd that read every book out there and thought I knew what to look for. Boy was I wrong!!!! But I digress and I promise I will post more on that subject later....so back to the subject. The suggestion prompted me to continue doing the research I had already started.
This has become a very popular decision. In some areas of the country over 60% of the kids are held back. Most parents in my area will send the child to private kindergarten the first year and then to public the next. So of course there is research out there. One in the 80s, one in early 2000 and most recently 2010 (which the results were recently released) Research shows it helps dramatically in the first few years (K, 1st, and 2nd) then dramatically plummets. Social stigma kicks in (yes, the kids are still teased about it even though it is a very popular thing to do) and things just naturally normalize. Then another plummet at puberty. At graduation, the kids NOT held back are more likely to attend a higher education (cannot remember the exact number but somewhere around 10%). So why do it?
I read many expert opinions and they all agree, do not do it. But if you do, do it for academic reasons only, and even then, as a last resort. So why are so many doing it? I talked with Sunshine's director at her school....she will be bored going from private to public anyway so, she will be extremely bored repeating kindergarten. So why do it?
I spoke with two kindergarten teachers and they asked can she identify her letters, numbers and is shes putting together sounds? Yes, she is reading! So they asked, why are you wanting to do this?
I called the school. She will be fine, we treat our 1st graders with kid gloves. Now why are you wanting to do this?
Well, Sunshine is not a statistic, so I called all her professional staff which is, regular pedi, 2 international adoptive pedis, 2 social workers, PT/OT, and a child development specialist. They all suggested not to do this. The child development specialist asked.....now why are you asking me this?
Good question huh? Why am I even considering this? Sunshine is fine academically, socially and really even emotionally...even though we are very sensitive. I guess because......everyone else is doing it, or maybe, just maybe, I am the one emotionally delayed. I am horrified for her to be on the playground with bigger kids. I am horrified of the influences that will penetrate her little life. I am horrified that....she.is.growing. up.
I have waited for her all my life. I have wanted her all my life. I waited. I waited. I waited until it hurt in a place so deep, I did not even know existed. By the time she was placed in my arms she was over a year old. A year that I will never have with her.....so yeah, I am afraid of her growing up. She is already to big! I want my year back....
I have to do what is best for her, right? That is what makes a good mother a great mother, right? So we are NOT going to hold her back. She will be bored and when she is bored, Sunshine gets into trouble. She is a sensory seeker and must be stimulated at all times, so, there I am writing it down, I must keep my promise. Right?
So, anybody out there ever heard of retaining, red shirting, or repeating kindergarten? So what are your thoughts?
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